At 22 years old, I’ve been a part of the social media world for ten years. My parents let me have my own Facebook account when I was 12 and I got an Instagram and Snapchat account the year after. Twitter came a few years later and then I gave in and made a TikTok over quarantine. Between all of these accounts--especially TikTok where you can constantly scroll watching recommended new content--my unemployed self (thanks, pandemic) spent hours upon hours on these apps throughout each week. Even when I was employed, my job required me to answer DMs and comments through the brand’s social pages. My personal interest in DTC brands, who are usually largely built on Instagram, also gave me a leg up because my brain is a Rolodex of brands we could partner with.
Of course, I’ve been hearing of people doing social media detoxes for years, but could never bring myself to do it because what if I missed something? What if one of my favorite brands launched a new product? What if someone put me on their close friends list and I missed a great opportunity to swipe up and connect over this slightly-less-public-but-still-public form of them showing me I’m a close! friend! What if I miss the most relatable TikTok trend that’s ever existed?
Most people delete their social media apps for a few reasons: sadness due to FOMO, low self esteem from comparing appearances, etc., but I haven’t struggled with that since I realized that there are some things I just can’t change. My face will always be round. I’ll always be short. I will always have a FUPA (ya know, because half of the population has a uterus there). I thought I was above the comparisons because I know everyone has off days where they’re breaking out, bloated, and not feeling their best. A lot goes into the curation of social media pages, which I can attest to because I look at my own and wonder if people will have an accurate view of me and I know they won’t totally because I’ve intentionally left out some of the parts of me that I don’t like (or that I feel others won't like).
I didn’t step back to think about my own qualms with social media until one of my close friends deleted her apps, which spawned all sorts of questions about if I should do the same. While I may not always compare my looks to others, I do compare occupations and other successes. People I went to high school with are literally buying houses and I’m worried about how much my copay is going to be at the urologist because of my chronic kidney stones. All of the beauty editors I follow may have lost their jobs at the beginning of the pandemic, but their online presence alone is keeping them above water. I compare myself to people who grew up with millionaire parents, had internships in New York every summer in college, and now have jobs they built up to through years of experience.
It took my close friend reminding me that, again, I’m only 22 and things don’t happen overnight. It takes the average college graduate three to six months to find employment after graduation, and it’s currently only been two months for me (because I was employed for four months before being laid off again). I have to remind myself that I deserve grace, especially when looking for a job on (hopefully) the tailend of a pandemic.
After pondering how much I really do compare myself and, ultimately, my success to others, I decided to delete Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and TikTok from my phone. It’s only been four days and I did re-download Facebook once for a few minutes to check something, but then promptly deleted it again, but it has been harder than I expected. I found my thumb pressing the square where Instagram used to be, now taken up by the Regal movie theater app, which is useless because they’re still closed. During any silent moment, I wish I could give TikTok a few scrolls and my Twitter account a quick check, but that time is taken up by me scooping our cats’ litter boxes and me writing down three things I’m thankful for. I can’t totally say that my productivity has increased, but I did apply for four jobs yesterday and took many more steps than I did the day before, according to my Health app.
To be totally honest, the first three days were really lonely. I’m so used to having access to most people I know at any given time. I’ve formed good online relationships with past coworkers, college peers, high school peers, and total strangers that I could message and strike up a chat with anytime I wanted. I could post an IG story and receive two or three messages from each one that would give me the socialization spark I needed for the day, but that is no more. Today, I woke up and FaceTimed my best friend. I made a dentist appointment. I sent yet another job-related email. I’m hoping I’ve made it over the social media withdrawal I so desperately needed to rid myself of. There’s a reason people call deleting social media a “cleanse,” “fast,” or “detox.” It is so similar to a drug that it’s scary. Have you seen The Social Dilemma?!
While I’m starting to see the positives of giving myself an online break, I can’t help but to also be thankful for some of the impacts this tool gives us. Growing up in a small town with a deep interest in beauty that no one I knew shared in quite the same way, going online was a way to learn more, connect broader, and have a space to talk about the community I love so much. I was once searching for a spa near my parents’ house and a car wash called “Car Spa” came up, so an online community of beauty-lovers was really my only option, which is another reason why I’m so addicted. We also can’t forget that during the pandemic, which is still raging in many places, social media has given us a safe way to connect. What would we do if we didn’t have access to this online world in times like these? It’s an instrument that can be used for so much good, so I’ll be back, but for right now, I’m enjoying the fruits of my social media self-control.